Ten Sure Ways to Get the MR Characters to Hate You
by Vera Amber
Summary: Exactly what the title says! I'll do all of the characters that I remember. Rated T because of paranoia. Crime because some of the suggestions are illegal. Yes, it's a list. Character suggestions highly appreciated.
1. Take it to the top! She's not minimum

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**SparxFlame's "Ten Things That You Should Never EVER Let The Maximum Ride Characters Do" gave me the idea for this. Anyway, each chapter will have ten sure ways to get a certain Maximum Ride character to hate you! Starts with the flock, then spreads out... Anyway, if you have any suggestions, review!**

**Remialcsid: Cookies the me give now! Does Patterson James. Will never and Ride Maximum own not do I. :)**

_Maximum Ride_

1) Kidnap Angel. Kidnap Fang. Actually, kidnapping anyone she happens to care about. Also, kidnapping _her _works.

2) Kiss Fang. Especially if you have red hair or you're an underage scientist, and both is better.

3) Resurrect the School/Itex. Oh, and wearing a white coat helps, too.

4) Treat her like a KID because she's not legally an adult, even though she's been through more than you have in fifty years!

5) Videotape her and Fang making out and post it on YouTube.

6) Use her only pair of non-Goodwill jeans a fuse. Follow it up by using her Mickey Mouse alarm clock as a timer.

7) Stick a Voice in her head. It's even better if you give it Nudge-like traits!

8) Give her an exploding pizza. And if she wanted to EAT the pizza, it's twice as bad.

9) Stick her in a submarine while she's super anxious, and have the submarine smell like antiseptic.

10) And, finally, stab her in the back. Whether literally, figuratively, or both, she WILL hunt you down.

**Next up, Fang! I should have chapter two done in a half hour, or so. Review? For every review, Max gets to spend five more minutes or of the doll cabinet, and I'll do another chapter. For example: If I get three reviews for this chapter tonight, I'll do the next three chapter tonight, and Max gets to spend fifteen extra minutes in my company!**

**Max: Please review! The dolls are evil...**

**Moi: Yeah, what she said!**

**R&R?**

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**UPDATE: Okay, so it didn't take me long to realize how completely unoriginal this chapter's suggestions are. So, since I'm going to be putting the final chapter up in a few minutes, I thought I might as well give you guys ten more suggestions for this chapter while I'm at. Also, this will be the only chapter to get ten more suggestions.**

11. Separate her from her Fang pwushie.

12. Separate her from Fang.

13. Better yet, separate her form her Fang pwushie _and_ Fang.

14. Pop up at random moments and ask her, "Isn't it ironic about MAXi-pads and taMpAX?" Repeatedly.

15. While she's sleeping, dye her hair pink, and don't tell her. (This would also work for Fang.)

16. Whenever you see her, giggle.

17. When she asks you what the heck your problem is, just shake your head and giggle some more.

18. When she gets mad, bursts out laughing.

19. When she gets _really_ mad, rofl.

20. Lock her in a very, VERY small room for over a year.

**#20 was Lily's (Angel Ride's Ghost) idea (I came up with #11 before your tweets, :)).**

**R&R?**


	2. Incisor? Canine? Molar? TEETH!

Ten Sure Ways to Get MR Characters to Hate You!

**Ok, Fang's up next. Remember folks, for every review I get another chapter goes up and Max gets five more minutes of "free" time!**

**Skittles, Fangalicous08, helped me a TON with this. Without her, this probably would've been completely different and waaay stupider. GO SKITTLES!**

**Sisclaimer: Ooh... I'm saying I don't own my sister! Niiice... um... well, I don't own my sister and I don't own MR. JP does. Well, he doesn't own my sister- oh, nevermind! I love typos.**

_Fang... WTCW is his last name!?_

1) Give him a knife and tell him to go be emo in a corner.

2) Kiss Max.

3) Give him a pair of plastic fangs for his Birthday or Christmas.

4) Dye his hair pink.

5) Call him "emo", "punk", "goth", or anything else remotely similar.

6) Bribe Angel to tell Max his every thought.

7) Give Fang a razr phone and tell him he better not cut his emo self with it.

8) Kill Max and/or maim Max. Almost as bad as kissing her!

9) Kidnap him. Just like Skittles and Saint have! Or kidnap Max. Just like I have!

10) Photoshop a video of him and Ella making out then show it to Max!

**Iggy's next! So far, Max gets to stay with me for an extra fifteen minutes.**

**Max: Yay!**

**Oh, and in case no one got #7, think about it: razr, razor? Y'know, the phone, then the sharp blade. How can you kill AND maim someone? Beats me.**

**R&R?**


	3. He's blind! He can cook! He's a lizard!

Ten Sure Ways to Get MR Characters to Hate You!

**Time for the Iggster! Am I for Niggy or Eggy? Eggy, of course! Random fact.**

**Skittles might be helping me, might not... depends on her mood. And how much she wants to freak me out. I believe she disappeared off the face of the Earth two minutes ago...**

**Dissin' da claimer: I don't own Iggy. -sob- JP does.**

_Iggy... last name also unknown. Darn it!_

1) Make blind jokes.

2) Forget he's blind. Constantly.

3) Say, "But you're blind! How can you cook!?"

4) Tell him you don't him touching your shirt because you _want_ your dessert.

5) Move the furniture. Constantly.

6) Play heavy metal music REALLY loudly, right next to him. Add a bit of Miley Cyrus for good measure.

7) Bribe Gazzy to say in Ella's voice, tearfully, "Who do you choose Iggy? Me or Nudge?"

8) Put banana peels all over the floor and pour oil over them.

9) Say constantly. Constantly. He'll try to strangle you! Constantly.

10) Tape a piece of paper that says "KICK ME!" to his back.

**FREAKYNESS LEVEL OF TEN! Sorry, just had to say that. Okay, Nudge's next. Max has a full twenty minutes of "free" time!**

**Max: Yippee. Woohoo. Yay.**

**Thanks for your enthusiasm Max! Wait, I'm going to have to write Nudge AND Gazzy tonight!? Darn it. Oh, well. When I receive contact from Skittles, I'll tell you guys.**

**R&R?**


	4. Push her! Shove her! Yank her!

Ten Sure Ways to Get MR Characters to Hate You!

**Ok, so we're onto the ultimate chatterbox: Nudge. This is going to be interesting.**

**Oh, and I did receive contact from Skittles! However, an hour or two later, I lost contact again...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Nudge. James Patterson does. Why couldn't I be him!? Oh, wait, that's right! I wanna be a girl. -sticks out tongue-**

_Nudge... Channel, since she doesn't have a surname, either_

1) Duct tape her mouth. Remember: Silence is golden, and duct tape is silver.

2) Press a button on the TV remote to "turn the Nudge Channel off".

3) Tell her she talks too much.

4) Have her go without food for three hours.

5) Start rhyming. ("Nudge can't have any fudge 'cause she won't budge from the sludge. She's a horrible judge and she really need to trudge off her pudge but that's alright 'cause she's Nudge!)

6) Give her a bag of sugar. Then, when she starts to eat it, gasp in horror that she's eating ground bone.

7) Then ask for a refund since ground bone costs so much.

8) Then give her a bag of salt and tell her that it's REAL sugar.

9) Then when she chokes, laugh at her and say that she really should've stuck to the ground bone.

10) Then tell her that you can't believe she's a cannibal. Then shout about how much weight she's going to gain with her high sodium level. Then tell her sugar's bad for her cholesterol.

**Oh, no! Another review! Okay, since I can't type **_**that**_** many chapters in one night, for every TWO review I'll add another chapter tonight. That means I only need two-and-a-half chapters... well, when you round that off you get three! Anyway, this'll be my last chapter for the night, unless I get... three more reviews.**

**Oh, and the Nudge-rhyming was just this whacky idea. Actually, I'm writing a fanfiction about Max-rhyming...**

**Max: Don't give away anything!**

**Moi: 'Course I won't. -winks-**

**R&R?**


	5. Oline Wo! Get it?

Ten Sure Ways to Get MR Characters to Hate You!

**I'm _so_ sorry about my long hiatus! Explanations in the _News_ section of my profile. I'm giving up the 'update when I get reviews' thing, also.**** Did anyone else notice how both chapters one and four are EXACTLY 338 words? No? Well, it's still freaky and completely unintentional.**

**Claiming the dis: I'm running out of cool things to say. Anyway, I don't own Gazzy. Jimmy P does. Oh, well.**

_Gazzy... um... surname unknown..._

1) Give him a frilly dress for his Birthday or Christmas. Pink's _mucho_ better/worse.

2) Ask him if he knows where the smell is coming from when there's no smell.

3) When he says he doesn't smell anything whack him with one of those tree-shaped smelly thing they put in cars and/or a spray bottle of Febreeze/Oust/Lysol.

4) At random times, tell him that "I'm so sorry you're not as talented as your sister".

5) Take away all of his bomb-making stuff. Which, essentially, means stick him in a padded cell, in a straight jacket, with a piece of floss and some Jello. Actually, the floss might not be such a good idea...

6) Give him a cat and tell him to 'make nice'.

7) When the cat scratches him all up, cuz he's a BIRDkid, tell him that you're sorry and that you thought birds were the ones that attacked cats.

8) When he gets mad, tell him he better be nice to you and the Birthday present you just gave him.

9) When he says it isn't his Birthday, repeat suggestion #3. (Even if it _is_ his Birthday, repeat #3, no matter what he says.)

10) Repeat suggestions #6 through #9. Again. And again. And again. And- well, you get the picture.

**Angel's next. After her, I'll do Total. I dunno who I'll do after that. Probably Ella. Max asks for more free time!**

**Max: Yes. "Free" time is such fun.**

**Moi: I'm glad you think so Max.**

**Oh, and when school starts back up, I'm going to go on a schedule since I won't have near as much free time:**

**I'll update IMing on Tuesdays, Conversation on Wednesdays, and Matter on Thursdays. I'll work on Sure Ways on Mondays and Fridays, but I really don't know exactly _when_ I'll be updating that. Saturdays'll be when I work on stories I've started but haven't posted yet. Sundays I'll update whatever I feel like updating.**

**So, from August 17th on, I'll be working on/updating this here FF on Mondays and Fridays. Why? Well, because it's the easiest to update, and since I have gymnastics on Mondays and schtuff on Fridays, I won't have that much free time.**

**Oh, and I have a poll up about your favorite MR character. Check it out on my profile! Oh, dear. I just realized my Author's Notes are longer than the actual chapter. Oh, well.**

**R&R?**


	6. She's a notnude cherub!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the MR Characters to Hate You

Okay, even though I still only have six reviews and I haven't even added chapter Gazzy, which I'm stuck on, by the way, I'm typing up chapter Angel. Yeah, I know, I'm whacko. Anyway...

**Whoa. I haven't saved this yet, and it says "Document27" as the title. Yikes! I've really been writing a lot...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Angel. James Patterson does. –cries-**

_Angel... Experiment?_

1) Think the same thought over and over while you're sitting right next to her. If it's rated R and/or it rhymes, she'll hate you even more! Triple-X or NC-17 rated stuff will work better, too.

2) Try to drown her.

3) When you fail miserably, tell her that she was a 'bad girl' and she 'should know better'.

4) Whatever her response may be, tie her to a chair and sit her in the corner, facing the wall.

5) When she takes control of your mind so you'll let her go, shout at the top of your lungs that she'd be no match for Edward.

6) All day long, tap her on the shoulder (if she'll let you get close enough after the attempted drowning), and when she turns around, act like it wasn't you, all the while thinking thoughts about triple-X rated things. Of course, NC-17 or R will do.

7) Keep her up until 2 AM by screaming rock music in your head. Heavy metal'll probably work better, though.

8) Imagine yourself putting Celeste in the garbage disposal. Repeatedly.

9) Put Celeste in the garbage disposal. Repeatedly.

10) When all that is left of Celeste is a wad of fuzz, shove said wad of fuzz down Total's throat.

So, didja like it!? Didjadidjadidja!? Well, review whatever your answer is! Max'll get more free time, too!

**Max: Yeppers peppers yahoo mail.**

**Ella's up next, since I looove Ella!**

**Max: Ew. She's a girl, you're a girl…**

**Shut up Max.**

**R&R?**


	7. He's a cereal pog!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the MR Characters to Hate You!

**Okay, so I'm doing Total (I can't believe I forgot about Total!). Oh, and-**

**Max: Are you going to tell them!?**

**Moi: Max, that's what I was trying to say when you interrupted-**

**Max: Well, then, get on with it!**

**Moi: -sigh- Max has been nagging me all day to tell you just exactly **_**which**_** MR characters I'm going to do. This is going to take a minute. –takes a deep breath- Okay, here goes (this is in order):**

**Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, Total, Ella, Dr. Martinez, Jeb, Ari, Akila, Magnolia, the Uber-Director, the Director, Mr. Chu, Max II, Omega, Anne, Brigid, ter Borscht, Gozen, Lissa, Sam, and… um… I think that's it…**

**Max: If I remember anyone else, I'll nag Vera to add that person to the list.**

**Moi: And suggestions would be good! Especially in the form of reviews…**

**Max: You normally put that in the bottom Author's Note, Vera, not the top one…**

**Moi: Right, sorry, here goes:**

**Disclaimer: 'Sup 'sup? I'm Disclaimer, also known at the cat. I'm here to tell you that Vera doesn't own Maximum Ride; Jimmy P does. She doesn't even own the idea – dozens of other people have done very similar things-**

**Moi: SHUT UP THE CAT!!!**

_Total… ummm… Dog?_

1) Feed him cat food _on the floor_. Cat food's even more of an insult than dog food! And it's twice as bad, since it's _on the floor_.

2) Call him 'cereal'. All. Day. Long.

3) Shove the aforementioned fuzzy-wad-of-Celeste down his throat.

4) Separate him from Akila for an entire week.

5) Come after him with a chainsaw. (This would make anyone hate you. Of course, Total is the only one of the flock who couldn't fight back that well, so this suggestion is for him!)

6) Come after Akila with a chainsaw.

7) Treat him like a hamster. (I just had to… :))

8) Offer him a hot dog. When he eats it, call him a cannibal. (This would work with chicken and the rest of the flock…)

9) Call him a 'pog'.

10) When he asks what that is, tell him it's either pineapple orange guava juice or a parrot dog.

**Ella's next! Yay! I might either get her done today or Friday… I dunno. I have this assignment in history that'll take me an hour or so, sooo...**

**R&R?**


	8. Do you prefer GabriELLA or IsabELLA?

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**-drum roll- And here's Ella! She's my favorite MR character, by the way.**

**Disclaimer: Vera doesn't own Maximum Ride. Dog food ya'lls'**

_Ella Martinez_

1) Tell her you're sorry she doesn't have wings. Over and over.

2) Throw her off a roof and tell her her sister will catch her.

3) Then correct yourself and say, 'Oh, that's right! Max left for McDonald's ten minutes ago...'

4) Once she lands on the spongy grass (which is spongy enough she isn't fatally injured) walk up to her (once you're off the roof) and say, 'Oh, I'm sorry Ella! Here, have a complementary pillow case.'

5) Try to strangle Ella with the aforementioned pillowcase.

6) When she fights back, whack her over the head with a blade of the spongy grass.

7) Bribe and/or blackmail Mr. Chu into kidnapping her.

8) Tell her, 'Like mother, like daughter!'

9) Show her a photoshopped video example of Niggy. (This will only work if she likes Iggy, which, in my book, she does.)

10) Refer to her as "Gabby" or "Izzy" all the time. (Get it? GabriELLA, IsabELLA...)

**Vi andrar ar ni redo att vara med**

**Armana upp nu fa ska ni fa ned**

**Kom igen**

**Vem som helst kan vara med**

**Sa ror pa era fotter**

**Oa-a-a**

**Och vicka era hofter**

**O-la-la-la**

**Gor som vi**

**Till denna melodi**

**Oa-oa-oh**

**Dansa med oh**

**Klappa era hander**

**Gor som vi gor**

**Ta nagra steg at vanster**

**Lyssna och lar**

**Missa inte chansen**

**Nu ar vi har med**

**Caramelldansen!**

**Sorry, I'm listening to a Swedish song... (Caramelldansen by Caramell). I don't actually **_**speak**_** Swedish, but I like the song. Anyway, chapter Dr. Martinez goes up on Monday (or maybe Sunday)!**

**R&R?**


	9. Mrs Martinez! Mrs Ride! Mrs Batchelder!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**Now, I know some of you expected me to update on Monday. **_**However**_**, the schedule I gave you clearly states that '****I'll work on Sure Ways on Mondays and Fridays, but I really don't know exactly **_**when **_**I'll be updating that.' Also, the summary says 'Will be updated on Mondays and/or Fridays.' Thus, I'm not going to update every single Monday and every single Friday. Just explaining this.**

**I got four reviews in two days for one story!!! (Friday and Saturday.) -squeals-**

**Disclaimer: V no own Max. Jame P own Max. Dog food ya'lls'.**

_Dr. Valencia Martinez_

1) Tell her she's a bad mother for letting Max run around saving the world without a full security detail.

2) Constantly complain that her chocolate chip cookies taste horrible.

3) Bribe or blackmail Mr. Chu to kidnap her, _again_.

4) Give her candy. Take it back. Give her candy. Take it back. Etc. (This would work for anyone, but I did it for Dr. M since she's an _adult_, and she's supposed to be _responsible._ Riiight... do this suggestion, and she will attack you with her super-awesome ninja/veterinary skills. I promise. Money back guarantee. Oh, wait, I'm giving this away for free! Darn it...)

5) Call her Mrs. Martinez. All. Day. Long.

6) Call her Mrs. Ride. All. Day. Long.

7) Call her Mrs. Batchelder. All. Day. Long.

8) Ask her what it felt like to be encased in a giant snot bubble. Constantly. (This would also make Max hate you.)

9) Chew her out for not being the responsible one.

10) Once you're done, chew her out for being too responsible.

**-yawn- It's 1:21AM... that's how late I'm staying up to write this for you guys... by the way, #5 was Skittles' (Fangalicous08) idea. I'll update again on either Monday or Friday, _maybe_ Sunday. -head slumps to keyboard-**

**R&R?**


	10. The Journal of Experimental Biology

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**I have this weird habit of writing my beginning Author's Note before I write the chapter... which is exactly what I'm doing now. YAY! I broke one thousand hits! -squeals- Anyway, here's Jebby-boy's chapter.**

_Jeb Batchelder_

1) Come after Ari with a gun, a taser, a really big stick, some nunchucks, and a pretty neon pink sweater.

2) Come after Max with a gun, a taser, a really big stick, some nunchucks, and a pretty neon pink sweater.

3) Come after _him_ with a gun, a taser, a really big stick, some nunchucks, and a pretty neon pink sweater.

(Why a pretty pink neon sweater? Ari's a boy, so I don't think he'd like a pretty pink neon pink sweater, and Max's a tomboy, ditto, and Jeb- do I even need to explain this? Shoot, _I_ hate pretty pink neon sweaters! (And I am a girl, in case you're wondering...))

4) Yell at him, "How could you turn your son into a _mutant!?_" All, day, long.

5) Yell at him, "How could you turn your daughter into a _mutant!?_" All, day, long.

6) Sneak Jell-o under his pillow... and don't tell him... (If it's some of Gazzy and Iggy's explosive Jell-o, even better!)

7) Shout all day long (even if he's right next to you), "Where, oh where could my Jebby Jeb be? I search and I search, and cannot find him!"

8) Whack him with a furry minkle.

9)After whacking him with a furry minkle, whack him with an unfurry minkle!

10) Tell him he smells like cheese every single second of the day.

**NOOO!!! MY STUPID COMPUTER WON'T LET ME EDIT MY PROFILE!!! See, before, it wouldn't let me view it at my web address thing, but it would let me edit it. Now, it won't even let me edit it. :(**

**By the way, #4 and #5 where Winged-Vampyre-Gallagher-Girl's idea. Check her story, "A New Face", out. It's the one I was talking about on Twitter, and it rocks!**

**The next chapter's Ari, followed by Akila, followed by Magnolia, followed by- well, if you want a complete list, go check out chapter Total.**

**Hey, Skittles, remember 'a gun, a taser, a really big stick, some nunchucks, and a pretty neon pink sweater'?**

**R&R?**


	11. Automotive Resources International

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**Okay, so I figured out that if I do one chapter of this story every Monday and Friday, I'll be out of characters by the third Monday of October. I - thankfully - have a plan when that happens. You'll find out what that plan is on the third Monday of October. And, now, chappie Ari! (Hey, that rhymed!)**

_Ari Batchelder_

1) Constantly refer to him as 'that pink thing on top of a pencil'.

2) Ask him how dying - twice! - felt. All, day, long.

3) Pop up at random moments and offer him bubblegum.

4) When he freaks out, since you popped up out of nowhere, rolls your eyes and say something about easily scared Erasers.

5) Whatever his response may be, shove the aforementioned piece of bubblegum into his mouth. (Now would be a good time to run for your life...)

6) Sing Miley Cyrus songs at the top of your lungs every time he comes near. (This would also work for Gazzy.)

7) Offer him dog food.

8) When he refuses, offer him cat food.

9) When he refuses again, offer him furry minkle food.

10) When he refuses for a third time, whack him over the head with a fish tank.

**Chapter Akila goes up on Monday! Oh, and it turns out that gymnastics is on Wednesdays this year, haha... I'll still do IMing then, and this fanfic on Mondays and Fridays. However, I might do another one on Mondays along with this fanfic, I don't know yet, since I might do that fanfic on Saturdays or Sundays...**

**R&R?**


	12. Maggie Kills! Maggie Kills? Yep!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**Chapter Akila/Magnolia is here! This was a lot harder than the other chapters, since Akila and Magnolia are just regular dogs without any extra abilities or anything, so I decided to combine them to one chapter. Yeah, I know I'd said I'd do a chapter for each of them, but it's just too hard... anyway, here goes, hope you like it.**

_Akila Surname and Magnolia Martinez_

1) Dye their fur pink! (Well, it would annoy me...)

2) Get mixed up. (i.e. "Hey, Magnolia, when are you going to marry Total!?") Constantly.

3) Say, "Hey Mag- I mean, Aki- no, I really mean Mag- oh, wait, Aki- no, I_ really_ mean Mag- wait I mean Aki-" All, day, long. (This is _not_ the same as suggestion #2, though it's a teensy bit similar.)

4) Reenact the fight scene in Eclipse (Twilight #3, by Stephenie Meyer) using one of them as Victoria, the other as Riley, as you as either Edward or Seth.

5) Bury them under a few tons of molten lava. (Well, it works...)

6) Force them to eat Max's cooking. (This would actually work for everyone in Universe #1870748.)

7) Rename them "Mr. Fluffykins" and "Sir Furffle" (pronounced "fer-full").

8) Sic the Evil Penguins of Doom after them! MWA-HA-HA! (Hey, I could write a oneshot on that! -scribble in notebook- Yes, yes I do scribble in that thing too much... Skittles (Fangalicous08) will tell you all about it...)

9) Chase after them with pointy stick. Repeatedly. (Um... yeah...)

10) Chase after them with a pointy stick that has a marshmallow on the end. Repeatedly. (No comment.)

**And, next, is... -checks calendar- The Uber-Director! This is going to be fun... Oh, and sorry if you didn't understand the Twilight reference. Also, Universe #1870748 is where I say I live on on Twitter and dA. Just so you know.**

**One more thing, #8 was partially M.G's (M.G Christiani) idea... she told me "****As for ideas, um...something to do with the penguins from TFW."**

**R&R?**


	13. The correct spelling is 'ueber', idiot!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**Chapter Uber-Director is here! AND, I'm updating on the day I'm supposed to, instead of updated really late like for IMing and Matter! Yayness! Anyway, here's the chappie.**

**Disclaimer: Vera does not own the Uber-Director.**

_The Uber-Director_

1. Bash his head in with a screwdriver. (It works, doesn't it?)

2. Shout "UBEY, MY MAN!" every time he walks/rolls into the room you're in.

3. Tell him that the hamster called, it wants its cage back. Constantly.

4. Remind him of his undying live for Akila every second of the day. (What fanfic was that in? I don't remember...)

5. Paint millions of bright yellows smiley faces on the back of his "head" and don't tell him. (Well, it would annoy you, wouldn't it!?)

6. Sneak up behind him and suddenly shout "BRAIN ON A STICK! BRAIN ON A STICK!"

7. Whatever he says in reply, demand to see your lawyer.

8. When he gets all confuzzled, threaten to file a restraining order if he doesn't back off.

9. Then call the police and tell them some weird guy wearing a hamster cage on his head is stalking you. Make sure to have speaker phone on so the Uber-Director can hear the whole conversation.

10. Repeat suggestions #6 through #9 over, and over, and over, and over, and- you get the picture.

**Chappie Director/Marian Janssen next! Now, to work on Matter, since that's in _desperate_ need of updating...**

**R&R?**


	14. She's like Steven Spielberg! But worse

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**A common typo of mine is typing "Ariak" instead of "Arial". In fact, I did that when I started writing this, but I didn't realize it. Turns out that Ariak's a lot cooler looking than Arial, so I'm sticking with it.**

**Anyway, here's chapter Director! :)**

_Marian Janssen_

1. Start a poke war with her...

2. ...when she's duct taped to a chair and can't poke back. (Teehee!)

3. Using a marshmallow blow gun, shoot marshmallows at her all day.

4. Once you run out of marshmallows, throw wads of Jell-o at her.

5. Once you run out of Jell-o, throw furry fluffballs AKA cats at her.

6. Tell her that her name's a typo.

7. When she says "What?", roll you eyes, then say, "I SAID YOUR NAME IS A TYPO!"

8. Whatever her reaction may be, run away at high speed, and toss a hair brush over your shoulder. It would be preferable if said hairbrush were aimed at her head.

9. Sneak up behind her, tap her on the shoulder, then run away screaming something about crazy stalkers.

10. Walk up to her, then start speaking quickly in gibberish.

BONUS!!! 11. Act hurt when she doesn't understand you.

**On Monday chapter Mr. Chu goes up! I'm going to start writing that chapter almost immediately, since I want time to work on other fanfics on Monday.**

**Hey, I only need one more vote for the poll on my profile until I can do the second part of the poll! So go vote! :) You get e-cookies if you do.**

**By the way, everyone, today is National (by FlockUpdates, anyway) "Sexily" Day! That means you not only have to say "sexily" in a review, but also get on Twitter and tweet it! FlockUpdates, St Fang of Boredom, Fangalicous08, M.G Christiani and I are all tweeting "sexily"! We're trying to make it a Trending Topic. My twitter's VeraAmberWi, FlockUpdates' is FlockUpdates, Saint's is StFangofBoredom, Skittles' is Skittles223, and M.G's is MGChristiani.**

**R&R?**


	15. Bite me, Star bacca Wars!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**Okay, so I've decided that since I finished this chapter today, I'm going to upload it. I'll do chapter Max 2 tomorrow, unless I finish it today. If I do Max 2 today, then I'll Omega tomorrow, unless I also do Omega today... Yeah, I'm rambling.**

**Hey, I just realized something...**

**Max: -eyes bug out- Seriously!?**

**Moi: -whacks with Furry Minkle #7- I forgot about Celeste!**

**Max: Ow... -rubs head- What a shocker.**

**Moi: -whacks with Furry Minkle #7 again- So, here's who I have done/am going to do, in order:**

**Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, Total, Ella, Dr. Martinez, Jeb, Ari, Akila/Magnolia, Uber-Director, Mr. Chu, Max 2, Omega, Anne, Brigid, ter Borscht, Gozen, Lissa, Sam, and Celeste. Alrighty? Alrighty. And now... Chapter Mr. Chu!**

_Mr. Firstnamegoeshere Chu_

1. Refer to him as "Chewbacca" for the rest of eternity. "Chewie" also works well.

2. Saunter up behind him and whisper in a freaky voice, "You... are... going... to... die..."

3. When he freaks out, drop to the floor and roll away, so he doesn't know it was you.

4. Repeat. Multiple times.

5. Sing an altered version of Jingles Bells any times he comes near, loudly. (Here's the altered version:

_Jingle bells, Mr Chu smells,_

_He just laid an egg_

_Does he have, bird DNA?_

_Now he'll have to pay!_)

6. Sing said altered version of Jingle Bells _offkey_.

7. Three words: Chinese water torture!

8. Tell him you're going to do what his name tells you to do. Repeatedly.

9. When he asks what the heck you're talking about, grin evilly and say, "Cut Him Up".

10. When he runs away, chase after him and bash his head in with a fluffy pink slipper.

**Did anyone else notice the irony in "fang" and "chu" (pronounced "chew")? I just realized that...**

**R&R?**


	16. Eye eye! Twizzles, dear twizzles

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**Yeah, I did do chapter Max 2 tonight. Why? Well, my computer was being REALLY annoying, and I had nothing else to do (okay, not true, but there wasn't anything else I _wanted_ to do).**

**In the last chapter, I forgot to mention Universe Sexily Day.**

**See, one of the "famous" people I'm following (either Saint or FlockUpdates, can't remember which) randomly declared it "Nation Sexily Day" on the 18th.**

**So, a number of us (mainly me, Saint, Kara, Skits, M.G, Wryder, and Rain) ended all of our tweets with "-insert name- tweeted sexily".**

**The reason why we changed it to Universal Sexily Day instead of National Sexily Day is because one of the participants, don't remember who, lives in Australia.**

**Anyway, the next Universal Sexily Day is on October 9th. Here what you do:**

**After every single tweet, put "-insert name- tweeted sexily". Our goal is to make it a Trending Topic. It didn't happen last time, but we hope it will next time!**

**Also, I don't know if I've told you this or not, but chapters 1 and 4 both have 338 words, and chapters 12 and 14 both have 351 words. Freaky, huh?**

**Anyway, I'm going to stop this incredibly long and rambling A/N now. Here's chapter Max 2!**

_Max Eye-Eye_

1. Refer to her as "Twizzles". (I was thinking "Two-zzles", since she's Max 2, and then "Twizzles" just popped into my head. Hey, I should name an OC that! Hm...)

2. Constantly shout, "Max, Max, the second, second, not, not, better than, better than, Max, Max, the first, first, no, no, not, not, better than, better than, the first, first!"

3. Before she can get two words out, shout, "MAX EYE-EYE!"

4. In fact, if you even refer to her as "May Eye-Eye", like I do, then she'll hate you.

5. Whenever she starts to take a step forwards, jump in front of her.

6. Then shout, "MAX EYE IS BETTER THAN YOU, MAX EYE-EYE!"

7. Follow it up by poking her in the eye. Repeatedly.

8. Throw her into the ocean...

9. ...off a fifty foot cliff...

10. ...with her wings strapped to her back.

**Next up is chapter Omega! :) I might do that chappie tonight, might not, dunno.**

**R&R?**


	17. Greekboy, you're Ninhursag's symbol

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**And here's chapter Omega!**

_Omega... Alpha? Beta? Gamma? Delta? Epsilon? Zeta? Eta? Theta? Iota? Kappa? Lambda? Mu? Nu? Xi? Omicron? Pi? Rho? Sigma? Tau? Upsilon? Phi? Chi? Psi? Digamma? San? Qoppa? Sampi? Stigma? Sho? Heta? Oh, I give up... Omega Surname_

1. Ask him how it felt to have been beat by "a dumb, blonde fourteen year old kid with wings". (No offense to blondes - or Max - intended. I myself have blondeish brown/brownish blonde hair (my mom says it's blonde, I disagree).)

2. Call him "Greek boy".

3. Exclaim at random moments, "Lookie! It's Ninhursag's symbol!" (Google "Ninhursag". You'll see what I mean.)

4. Whenever you see him, shout "OH MY GAGA!"

5. For a Birthday present, jump out of a bow and start tapdancing while singing randomd sentences about how horrible Omega is.

6. Whatever he may do, act hurt, ESPECIALLY if he physically hurts you. (xD)

7. Shoot spitballs at him.

8. Give a Yeerk/Goa'uld/Soul access to his brain. (Those are _Animorphs_, _Stargate_, and _The Host_ references, in case you didn't know.)

9. Better yet, give a Yeerk, a Goa'uld, AND a Soul access to his brain!

10. Force him to do the "Cha Cha Slide".

**Chappie Anne Walker is next! :) I might update again later tonight, might not, dunno, depends on how fast I write the chapter.**

**R&R?**


	18. Boleyn, please Walker me to the door!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**And here's chapter Anne! xD**

_Anne Walker_

1. Only call her as "Anniekins sweetieplum". (Heck, that would annoy everyone...)

2. Ask her if she needs walker, since her name _obviously_ says she does. Do this often.

3. Whatever her reaction may be, whack her over the head with a ping-pong paddle.

4. Claim that you're her long lost rich aunt who's willing to give her millions of dollars, then scam her out of every penny she owns. Multiple times.

5. Sneak up behind her and suddenly shout, "YOU'RE WORSE THAN SIMON COWELL!"

6. Hack into whoever she works for's mainframe and fire her. (If you don't know how to use MS-DOS to hack computers, get Nudge to do it. She will, willingly.)

7. Follow her around all day, and after everything she says, say "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" (M.G, I was going to do what you suggested, but this popped into my head.)

8. Shout at the top of lungs "I F--KIN' HATE YOU, ANNE F--KIN' WALKER!" All. Day. Long. (Of course, you can skip the "F--KIN'"s if you want to, but they make it better/worse.)

9. Waddle after her like a penguin and click your tongue, every single second of the day and every single second of the night.

10. Whenever she comes near, start rapidly talking in gibberish.

**The next chapter is chapter Brigid, and I probably won't do it tonight, though I might. However, if I don't update tonight, I _will_ update tomorrow. (I guess it's more "later today" than "tomorrow" since it's after after midnight...)**

**Just a random thought: it's is INCREDIBLY easy to hack into the account on someone's computer (if it's a PC). I mean, really, all you need is an extremely basic knowledge of how to navigate DOS, and you can do it. -shakes head and sighs-**

**Hey, does anyone know the name of a Mac's version of MS-DOS? I know that Mac's have something similar to MS-DOS, I've seen it being used, but I can't seem to remember what it's called.**

**Oh, yeah! #7 was inspired by M.G (M.G Christiani), who suggested "****How about follow her around narrating everything she does by adding "Anne said/did sexily" to the end of the sentence..."**

**R&R?**


	19. The Goddess of Inspiration and Healing!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**Nine review in two days!? -hyperventilates- THAT'S AWESOME! :) But it's kind of expected when I update the same fanfic four times in one night... Oh, and chapters 3 and 17 are both 242 words. MORE FREAKYNESS! Anyway, here's chappie Brigid.**

_Brigid Dwyer_

1. Follow her everywhere, and after everything she says, say "Brigid said sexily". (M.G, I liked your suggestion too much to just have the alteration. xD)

2. Ask her if she gets paid to flirt with fourteen year old guys or if she does it willingly.

3. Whatever head response may be, giggle and nod, giggle and nod, giggle and nod, giggle and- you get the picture.

4. Point a little laser pen at the back of her head, and keep it there all day.

5. Whenever you see her, shout "BRIGID! Oh wise goddess of inspiration and healing!" then bow down and kiss her feet. (Kissing her feet will result in her scuttling backwards.)

6. Ask her if she's related to Bella Swan. Constantly. (This isn't completely random, by the way: in _Twilight_, Phil's (who's Bella's stepfather) last name is Dwyer.)

7. Force her to do the Chicken Dance!

8. Silently stalk her, and after everything she says, shouted, "MCAWESOMENE!"

9. -poke- -poke- -poke- 'Nuf said.

10. Whenever she says something, interrupt with, "Brissa!" (Brigid/Lissa... I believe Rain (rainbowstrike) came up with that term, and it refers to a combination of Brigid and Lissa. Hence, Brissa.)

**Alrighty then, #1... well, I don't feel like telling you who came up with that, so just go back and read the last A/N. #2 was Kara's (Karacitay) idea. As for #7, "McAwesomene" is something that Saint (St. Fang of Boredom) says a lot, and I couldn't help putting that.**

**Oh, and chappie ter Borcht is next! :) I don't know if I'll also do that one tonight, but I probably will, since it's only around 4PM.**

**R&R?**


	20. I'm snickering! SNICKUHS BAHRS!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**Sorry about being a day late, everyone! But at least it was only a day late, instead of a week, which is what is happening for some of my other fanfics.**

**Anyway, if any of you have read "IMing to the Maximum! Ride of course", you'll know that when I got 50 reviews, I did a Fang's Blog chapter. Well, I have a lot _more_ than fifty review for this fanfic, and you guys get something extra, as well! :) Guess what it is? Fifteen suggestions instead of just ten! Yayness! Anysways, here goes.**

_Roland ter Borcht_

1. Make fun of his accent.

2. Walk up to him, wink, then shout "I VILL NOW DESTROY DE SNICKUHS BAHRS!"

3. Sic a fluffy bunny on him.

4. Always spell his name wrong! (I actually accidentally did that and spelled it "Borscht" instead of "Borcht" for, like, six months.)

5. Also, forget that there's a "ter" before "Borcht".

6. Say the phrase "I luffles this chappie to deffers". Repeatedly.

7. Pay Gazzy to follow him around all day, mimicking his voice and repeating whatever he says.

8. Ask him when he and Jeb are getting married.

9. When ter Borcht looks at you oddly, giggle conspiratorially, wink at him, then skip away.

10. Everyone time ter Borcht does ANYTHING, dump a bag of tortilla chips over his head.

BONUS!

11. Throw an eraser at his head.

12. Then throw an Eraser at his head.

13. Pay Gazzy and Angel to walk around whenever ter Borcht is near, acting like his bratty kids.

14. Ask him what would happen if you put a calculator into pickle juice, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND- you get the picture.

15. Tell him that you bet that he can't eat nine snickuhs bahrs visout bahfing.

**Chapter Gozen is next! :) #2, #7, #13, and #15 were Lily's (Angel Ride's Ghost) idea, and #10 was M.G's (M.G Christiani) idea. And then #14 was inspired by someone's tweet... I think it was M.G, but I'm not sure.**

**R&R?**


	21. He's not a Japanese dumpling! I promise

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Hate You

**Disclaimer: Vera doesn't own Gozen. Sorry, Vera...**

_Gozen... well, he doesn't have a last name, so let's just say his name is Gozen ___, xD_

1. Ask him if he wants to have a tea party with Fuzzles. (Go read "Gozen and the Feather Kids" by St. Fang of Boredom, and that suggestion'll make sense. I promise. :D)

2. Ask him how it feels to be a Japanese dumpling.

3. Refer to him as "Frankenstein" for the rest of your life.

4. Tell him you could never follow him around, commenting that he's doing something sexily, since he just can't do anything sexily.

5. Bite him.

6. In fact, don't stop biting him until he gets you candy.

7. After you've assassinating the president and the vice president, hacked the poll results for the _new_ president and made yourself president, and made candy illegal, of course.

8. Tell him that he needs to give the hamster its cage back, it's been waiting for YEARS...

9. Ask him if he picks his nose. Constantly.

10. Attack him with a pointy stick. (Have I said something before about pointy sticks? If so, sorry about repeating myself...)

**#4 was M.G's (M.G Christiani) idea and #8 was Lily's (Angel Ride's Ghost) idea. I know that M.G is reading what I say as I'm typing this, so hi M.G! xD The next chapter, chapter Lissa, should be up on Friday, but I might be able to do it later today, or sometime before Friday... dunno.**

**It's 'I' before 'E' except after 'C' or when sounded like 'A' as in 'neighbor' and 'weigh' and on weekends and holidays, and all throughout May, and you'll always be wrong no matter what you say! **

**Sorry, I just had to say, I luffles that quote... xD**

**R&R?**


	22. Lisa! Wait, that's not your name, is it?

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**As you guys can see, I changed the title a bit. The title that you see when you look through the Maximum Ride fanfiction section will be the same ("Ten Sure Ways to Get the MR Characters to Hate You") but, from now on, the little underlines title thingy will say that^^^, instead of what it's said in the last chapters. Did that make sense? I hope it did.**

**Disclaimer: Vera doesn't own Lissa, and until Lissa's "transformation" in a ytbp fanfic, Vera's glad she doesn't own her.**

**Moi: Don't give anything away, Dizzy!**

**Dizzy the Disclaimer: I'm not! -eyeroll-**

**Max: What's a "ytbp" fanfic, anyway?**

**Moi: "yet to be posted".**

**Max: Oh...**

_Lissa... Red Haired Wonder? There we go, Lissa Red Haired Wonder_

1. Call her the "Blonde Haired Wonder".

2. Then call her the "Black Haired Wonder".

3. Follow it up by calling her the "Brown Haired Wonder".

4. Force her to hold M.G's hair back while M.G pukes her guts out.

5. Then force her to give huggles and Fang pwushies to M.G.

6. Spell her name "Lisa", instead of "Lissa". Constantly. (Heck, it annoys ME when people spell it "Lisa"! Two esses, morons! -grumbles-)

7. Suddenly run up to her and say, "B----y hey b----y b---- who just b----ily happens to b----ily be the b----y queen of b----iness! What the b---- has been b----ily happening lately!? B----ily!" (Essentially, replace "sexily" with "b----ily", and add in a bunch of "b----"s to top it off. xD.)

8. Call her nasty names in a foreign language.

9. When she asks what the heck you're talking about, smile and don't say a word.

10. Tell her that she and Ari would make a _perfect_ pair.

**#4 and #5 are dedicated to M.G (M.G Christiani) who has been puking her guts out all day. Huggles and Fang pwushies, M.G! Also, #8 and #9 were M.G's idea.**

**I might update again tonight, since I already have chapter Sam started... but I probably won't. Eh, I dunno, SGU (Stargate: Universe) starts tonight. And. I. Am. HYPED!**

**R&R?**


	23. The same old Samantha

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

_Sam... Uley?_

1. Come after him with a potato and a rake. (...it works...)

2. Tell him that Max is available. When he tries to go out with her, scream, "NOT!"

3. When he comes back, after having been beaten up by Fang, say, "I can't believe you let an emo kid beat you up!"

4. Whenever you see him, run up to him and shout, "Hey Sa-man-tha!"

5. Though every single Rubik's Cube on the planet at his head.

6. Force him to read the entire Narnia series from end to end, aloud.

7. When he isn't looking, duct tape a bra to the back of shirt, and don't tell him.

8. The second you see him, fangirl SQUEE!, run up to him, and act like he's Fang. Five seconds later, attack him with your purse, since he obviously isn't Fang.

9. Go back in time, steal him when he was a baby, and donate him to the School.

10. Shove M.G's medication down his throat. (One of the side effects of M.G's medication, I might add, is making you puke.

**#2 and #3 were mojomacy's idea. #6 you might recognize if you've read "IMing to the Maximum! Ride, of course", which is also by me. In chapter... nine, I think it was, Nudge read Narnie aloud from end to end. Oh, and #10 was dedicated to M.G (M.G Christiani) who is _still_ sick. Poor M.G... Also. M.G came up with #10.**

**Hey, a bunch of fanfiction writers and I are going to create a shared account, and write a fanfic together! This is directed at, pretty much and mainly, any of the fanfiction writers I talk to who are MIA- er, MFT (Missing From Twitter). The details are in my tweets from around 9:30PM, 10/3/09. :)**

**R&R?**


	24. Itshehe's not pizza! Truthfully?

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Character to Utterly Despise You

**Just so you know, all of these suggestion would also make Angel utterly despise you.**

**Disclaimer: Vera doesn't own Celeste. If she did, Angel would come after her, and that would be a very bad thing.**

_Celeste, uh, Toy?_

1. Steal it/her/him from Angel.

2. Put it/her/him into a recycling bin that you _know_ will be recycled.

3. Sell it/her/him on eBay!

4. Also, donate it/her/him to Goodwill.

5. Pronounce its/her/his name with a "k" sound, instead of a "s" sound. ("Hey, keh-lehst!")

6. Remember chapters 6 and 7? Yeah, put it/her/him in the garbage disposal, repeatedly, until there's nothing left but a wad of fuzz.

7. Rips Angel to shred to tiny that even the Feegles couldn't see them! (Terry Pratchett reference.)

8. Feed it/her/him to Saint's adorable rat, Yuki. (Yuki is adorable!)

9. Light it/her/him on fire!

10. Give it/her/him to Akila and Magnolia to use as a chew toy.

**I can't believe it! The last chapter! When I started this back in July, I had _no idea_ I would get this many hits and reviews. 3930 hits!? THAT'S AWESOME! You guys _totally_ rock. And 75 reviews!? Just... WOW! I would like to thank all of my reviewers, so huggles to:**

**SweneyLovett**

**Fangalicous08**

**Purple Staplers**

**Bedelato**

**Surreptitiously Anonymous**

**Aleria14**

**Crossover Genius**

**wands 'n' wings**

**Rowena of Naxen**

**Winged-Vampyre-Gallagher-Girl**

**Charlie Ride**

**LunaPadma**

**Natvv**

**The new Flock member**

**.Scream Meh A Love Song. x3**

**M.G Christiani**

**nathan-p**

**x3longefangx3**

**mojomacy**

**emgem2000**

**The-Element-of-Fuzz**

**The Seventh Horcrux**

**Angel Ride's Ghost**

**Karecitay**

**rainbowstrike**

**The Obviously Divine One**

**natcat5**

**You guys ROCK MY SOCKS! Okay, I'm not actually wearing socks, but still... xD**

**I find it ironic that I'm following a lot of you on twitter. Skittles, Bell, Natalie, Wryder, M.G, Emma, Lily, Kara, Rain, you know who you are! :)**

**In case you haven't gotten the message yet, this is the last chapter of Sure Ways. Ever. Okay, not necessarily _ever_, because if one of you guys tell me a character that I missed, then I can do another chapter, and when "Fang" comes out on March 15, 2010, I'm buying it, and new characters might be introduced. However, since I'm out of characters for the moment, I'm marking this fanfic as Complete.**

**Once again, thank you all SO MUCH! Huggles to all of you, not just my reviewers, xD.**

**Also, you'll want to go back and check out chapter Max. I added a little something... :)**

**Y'know, I _just_ realized something. In chapter Iggy, I say he doesn't have a last name. In actuality, he does: Iggy Griffiths. I'm an idiot.**

**Also, #7 was inspired by your suggestion, Emma, #9 was inspired by your suggestions, Lily (and Iggy), and #10 was M.G's idea. :)**

**Well, I guess this is bye for now...**

**R&R?**


	25. From the V to the O to the I to the CE!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**Okay, so it took me a while to realize that I'd missed some VIPs. Actually, two of them aren't "persons", but that's beside the point.**

**I was, originally, going to do them when Fang came out (HA!) but when I got - HOLY CRAP! - 107 reviews, I decided to do another chapter, since you all know how I am about my 50 reviews thing. :)**

**You should totally thank Separate Entity, by the way, since she reviewed 23 times! :) (Separate Entity: I assume you're a she, but if you're not, you can smack me upside the head.)**

**Disclaimer: Vera owns zilch, although she DOES own "I squee like a FANGirl!",**

**Without any further ado, I bring you chapter...**

_The Voice_

(By the way, all of these are if you have the Voice in your head and/or you're Max)

1. Chatter constantly in your head so it/she/he can't get a word in. (Let your Nudgian self loose!)

2. Poke yourself on the forehead. Multiple times.

3. Whenever it/she/he says something, start screaming "IT THAT VOICE AGAIN!" and curl up in the fetal position on the floor. (Similar to one of the things to do in Wal-Mart)

4. Constantly ask it/she/he if it/she/he realizes its/her/his name is oddly similar to "Echthroi". (Madeleine L'Engle reference.)

5. When it/she/he says "Echthroi" is nowhere near "Voice", shout "AHA! So that IS your name!"

6. When it/she/he facepalms, yell "BRAIN DAMAGE!"

7. The second it/she/he says something, shout, "CHINE!"

8. When the Voice , squee like a FANGirl. (Okay, I am SERIOUSLY listening to Skillet too much... "I squee like a FANGirl!" (to the tune of "Monster"))

9. Refer to it/her/him as "Oprah" or "Dr. Phil". Always.

10. Repeat "I want you to utterly despise me" in your head over and over.

**Just so you know, I won't be updating until March 15th, 2010, UNLESS I reach 150 reviews. Then you guys get a news chapter. :)**

**Also, to members of TTWoAAaC, this _is _one of my secret/special projects. **

**R&R?**


	26. Neither Gore nor Boar, I'm sorry to say

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**And here we have, -drumroll-, chapter Gor! **

**I suggested to Caris (Caris L. Clearwater) that she could review for every chappie, and thus get an update... BAD idea...**

**On a less IAI (I'm An Idiot) note, I made a cover for this fanfic! (: Go here to see it:**

**http://veraamberwi .deviantart. com/art/TSWtGtMRCtUDY-Cover-141696543**

**(Make sure to dump the spaces!)**

**Disclaimer: Vera doesn't own Gor. Anyone know who does? No? Well... from the J to the A to the M to the E, to the S to the space to the P to the A, to the double T to the E to the R to the S, to the O to the N, and that's how we roll! -guitar riff-**

**Moi: -facepalm-**

_Gor, um, Krelp?_

1. Poke her/him with a long rake.

2. Poke her/him with a short rake.

3. Poke her/him with a regular-sized rake.

4. Poke her/him with something other than a rake.

5. Refer to her/him as "it".

6. Let Mr. Chu become The Ultimate Ruler Leader Communist Person Dude.

7. Make Gorang a real pairing. (This would also work for Fang...)

8. Sarcastically compliment her/him on her/his "epic snotness".

9. Then act like you realized what you just said, offer her/him a tissue with a wary look on your face, and back away slowly, as if expecting her/him to explode at any moment.

10. Repeatedly point out how "Gor" is only one letter away from "gore", and that it rhymes with "boar".

**That was surprisingly easy to write...**

**11. Giggle and point out how #9 is a run-on sentence. Giggle again. Repeat.**

**By the way, Caris came up with #9. Which just happens to be the run-on. -giggles-**

**Don't expect another chapter until March, unless I get 200 reviews...**

**R&R?**


	27. I like to PruittPruitt, I like to Pruitt

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Character to Utterly Despise You

**We're baaack! :D**

**Okay, so I know it's not March 15th, nor do I have 200 reviews. _However_...**

**Aleria14 – Bell – 's Birthday is today. And this is her fave fic of mine. So... HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELL! :D**

_**Fang**_**, if you haven't read it yet, is epic. It starts out kinda ****_off_, but it gets muchos better. So ignore everyone who says it's horrible, because it's not.**

**Disclaimer: I don't even WANT to own this dude...**

_William Pruitt_

1. Moo in his ear repeatedly.

2. Loudly.

3. When he's asleep.

4. Gasp and say, "OMG, your British accent is _so_ fake! Like, totally!"

4. Ask him what's wrong with his face.

5. When he stares at you blankly, or reprimands you, or something-whether, blink and say, "Oops, sorry, I meant to ask why you're so ugly."

6. Whatever his response may be, go "Na na na na na!" and hightail it outta there.

7. Dump a pot of boiling chocolate pudding over his head.

8. Dump a pot of boiling _vanilla_ pudding over his head.

9. Attempt to strangle him with a pair of jeans.

10. Whack him upside the head with a golf club. Multiple times.

_**BONUS!**_11. Preferably, use his own golf club.

**-grins-**

**Again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELL! -huggles-**

**R&R?**


	28. The schizophrenic from 4400! Squee!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**MINOR FANG SPOILERS! (Like, really teensy ones. No worries, really, other than a few characters names.)**

**I KNOW I said I was going to update this two days ago! But I forgot, and didn't remember until today! -hangs head in shame- (I know, I have really bad memory sometimes... Sigh...)**

**Anyway, I'll try to update every week. No promises, though, sorry. :(**

**As for who else I'm doing: Mike, Abate, Pruitt, Dr. Hans, and Dylan.**

**I know, I know, only five characters! D:**

**HOWEVER! I'm going to reread the entire series (minus TFW, unfortunately, because I can't find my copy) this weekend, and we all know JP has a million little characters. Yayness!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tess.**

_Tess... Tess... Just Tess._

1. Frown and her and say, "Dang, you're _short_."

2. When she blinks, stares at you, and says "What?", just laugh, shake your head, and walk away.

3. Walk up to her, gasp, and say, "You shower NAKED!?"

4. Run up to her, squeeing, and say, "OH EM SQUEE, DID YOU KNOW THAT IN SCHOOL'S OUT – FOREVER, YOU SAT _EIGHT FEET AWAY FROM IGGY_!? THAT IT SO EPIC! OH EM SQUEE!" and start hyperventilating.

5. When she stays at you weirdly and asks if your okay, suddenly stop hyperventilating and squeeing, and say, "Nah, it's fine, she does that a lot."

6. When she stares at you some more, tilt your head and say, "Wait, who are you?"

7. The second you see her, run as fast as you can and tackle her, all the while screeching random gibberish.

8. If she has a Y!M/AIM/MSN/Skype, then add her, and every three seconds send her an IM. (In other words: Death by SPAM. Mwahaha! -coughcough-)

9. Ask her, "Did you know hat you have the same name as the schizophrenic from _4400_?" Repeatedly.

10. Wake her up by throwing a yo-yo at her head. At 4AM. For three years.

**So, yeah. That's it. Likey?**

**Also, I may postpone doing Abate, because, like I said, I can't find my copy of TFW.**

**Up next? Mike! :D (If you don't know who Mike is, review, and I'll reply, telling you. He's a pretty minor character, so...)**

**R&R?**


	29. Newton, Rowe, Ikeikeike

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**And here we are, with chapter Mike! Weee!**

**-coughcough-**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Mike, sorry... probably never will... _probably_... -grin-**

_Mike_

1. Run up to him, squeal, then ask him if he's Mike Newton, and slap him for being to mean to Jessica. Repeatedly. (_Twilight_ reference, xD.)

2. Attack him with a broom and a duster.

3. A broom that just sweeped and a duster that just dusted, at that.

4. Ask him if he's a Mac or a PC. Repeatedly, loudly, and annoyingly. All. Day. Long.

5. If he says Mac, say, "OH EM SQUEE! You're like preppy M.G's epical boyfriend, Mack!"

6. If he says PC, say, "OH EM SQUEE! You're like preppy M.G and her epical boyfriend, Mack's imaginary kid, PC!"

7. Ask him how he likes his "dirty job".

8. When he stares at you in confusion, poke his forehead and say, "Y'know, Mike Rowe."

9. Tell him that it'd be okay if he loved Fang, because it'd still be Mang.

10. Even _if_ this certain FF.N writer prefers the term "Fax" over "Mang"... xD

**Thanks to FunOne077 for #4 and #9!**

**And M.G, I brought your preppiness to FF.N. MWAHAHA!**

**-coughcough-**

**Up next is -drumroll- Abate!**

**Oh, and while on vacation, I got TFW as some bookstore place for $2. Yay!**

**R&R?**


	30. RahrahahahahromaromamahAbateoohlala

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**And here we have... chapter Abate! Yay! (First time I typed "Abate", I typed "Batae"...heh...)**

_John Abate_

1. Walk up to him, explain in a chaotic (read: nonsensical) manner how Dr. M could _never_ like him back like he likes her, then laugh and point at his expression and walk away.

2. Randomly pop up beside him and ask, "Do you like bubbles?"

3. When he screams like a little girl because, hey, you popped up beside him with no notice, laugh and point again.

4. Pour a bucket of scalding hot melted butter over his head...

5. ...while he's taking a shower.

6. And then pour a bucket of cherry-flavored ice over his head.

7. Repeat every time he takes a shower, until he's afraid to even enter the bathroom.

8. Whack him upside the head, then say, "Your mom gave you the most boring name _ever_!"

9. Ask him what his ninth middle name is. Every day. For the rest of eternity.

10. Ask him if he created John Deere because, hey, his first name is John too.

BONUS! 11. When he stares at you and denies it, roll your eyes and say, "Riiight..."

DOUBLE BONUS! 12. Ask him if he's ever worked or though of working in a bait store. Because, like, he's A_bate_.

**Skits (Fangalicous08) came up with #12.**

**Next up is...um...-checks- Pruitt! Wait, no, that can't be right... Pruitt was #27... Fail. Okay, so next up is... well, after Pruitt I'm supposed to do Dr. Hans-Gunther, but I'm changing my mind. Next, I'm doing JJ. -grin- (JJ was Max's semi-friend from SoF)**

**R&R?**


	31. Are you walking or mocking?

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**So, recently, I noticed I had over 200 reviews.**

**We all know what that means. -grin-**

**Oh, and I wasn't going to update until next week, but a friend and I are having am updating contest. Details in "Nutty Is My Middle Name".**

**buiyfou umo I :rawielcsip**

**(HINT: Flip your screen!)**

_JJ...err...WhatsHerLastName_

1. Dump 37 gallons of banana pudding over her head because, hey, she reccomended it.

2. Pop up beside her and ask her if her name is short for "Jacob Jasper".

3. When she squeaks (because, hey, you popped up beside her), then corrects you, saying that's it's actually Jennifer Joy, dramatically sob and say that you were _sure_ she was a Twilight character, not a Maximum Ride character. (Twilight reference, but you should get it whether you've read Twilight or not.)

4. Squee like a FANGirl (yet again, to the tune of "Monster"...heh...), run p to her, give her lots of hugglez and fangz (MI reference), and the say, "RRRAAAWWWRRR!"

she stares are you, slap her for "not giving back the epicalicious emotions and hugglez and fangz and schtuffs that I gave you".

6. When she gapes and slaps you back, run off crying about how "J.J.'s so -sob- mean! I can't -sob- believe Max was ever -sob- friends with her!"

7. Hack into the government files, and rename her Tennifer Toy, or "TT".

8. Suddenly run up to her and sing as loud as you possibly can, "AA BB CC DD EE FF GG HH II _**JJ**_!!!!!!"

9. When she stares at you, stick your tongue out and run away backwards.

10. When around JJ, parle seulemente français. (Speak only French. Sorry 'bout my horrid grammar...heh...)

BONUS!

11. Sing "JJlicious". It's like "Fergalicious", but instead of F-E-R-G-I-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S, it's J-J-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!

12. Refer to her as "my pink bubbly snuffles cutesy cake!".

13. When she attempts to strangle you, giggle and say, "Bad pink bubbly snuffles cutesy cake! You should be huggling me!" and huggle her.

14. When she dies from too much hugglage, realive her.

15. Repeat.

**Next up is...-drumroll- Dr. Gunther-Hans! Or is it Dr. Hans-Gunther? I can never remember...**

**#7 was Skits' (Fangalicous08) idea, by the way. (:**

**R&R?**


	32. Justin Dielan Dill Weed Bieber

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**This is dedicated to St. Fang of Boredom, the most famous and the most epitastical MRfic writer. Here's to you, Saint, and happy Mother's Day! :D**

**I was originally going to do Dr. Hans-Gunther, but since this is dedicated to Saint, I changed my mind. -grin-**

**Disclaimer: I don't own...-drumroll- Dylan!**

_Dylan...um...well, technically, II, since he's a clone_

1. Talk to him in only baby talk because, hey, he's only eight months old.

2. Refer to him at "Justin Dylan Bieber", because, hey, we all know who he _really_ is. **(A/N: Whoa... two "because, hey"s...weird.)**

3. Then, take him to a Justin Bieber concert, throw him on stage, and shout, "Look, they're twins!"

4. Laugh at the ensuing pandemonium.

5. Repeatedly ask him who "kay-kaching-hah" is.

6. Eventually admit you mean Ke$ha. Laugh evilly and stalk off while he glares at you. Stick out your tongue and flip him the bird.

7. For his Birthday, give him a dog dish with "Dielan" engraved on the side.

8. Shoot him with a dartgun, and crack up and stick your tongue out when he starts screaming like a little girl.

9. Whenever you see him, squee like a FANGirl (yet again), run up to him, huggle him, and say, "Dill Weed! I misseded you!"

10. Wish him a "Happy Mother's Day!". One, he has no kids, and two, he's a GUY. Probably.

**#3 was Skits' idea, and #9 was partially Kara's (Karecitay) idea.**

**Again, happy Mother's Day, Saint! :D**

**R&R?**


	33. SAINT OF HYPHENED NAMES TO THE REHSCUE!

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**So, earlier, I got bored, and tried to figure out how many people I have left to do.**

**Turns out there's a _lot_ more than I thought.**

**Yay!**

**I might do a poll about which characters you guys want me to do next, after I take the Matter Over Mind poll down.**

**Also...**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY M.G! -huggles-**

**This chapter's for you! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dr. Hans-Gunther.**

_Dr. Hans-Gunther_

1. Cut one of his hands off, then laugh maniacally when he repeatedly licks his wrist in an attempt to heal himself.

2. Repeat.

3. Repeat.

4. Re- you get the picture.

5. Treat him like he's a parakeet.

6. Say his name _horribly_ wrong. (i.e. Detour Hangsther Gunsts! Detour Hangsther Gunsts! You have a call on line 8372!)

7. For all eternity.

8. Eat all of his pink, sprinkly, frostingy, yummy, "manly" cupcakes.

9. Call him unethical. Repeatedly. Then bitchslap him. Repeatedly.

10. Annoy him with spam emails, demanding that he change his name, because he's copying M.G (Madison-Gabriella), Saint of Hyphened Names.

**Again, happy Birthday M.G! :D**

**#9 is partially Matt's (tgypwya) idea, and #10 was partially Kara's (Karecitay) idea. XD**

**R&R?**


	34. The leader of the Argonauts is a waiter?

Ten Sure Ways to Get the Maximum Ride Characters to Utterly Despise You

**Yes, I'm updating! FINALLY! I know, shocker.**

**Heh.**

**Sorry 'bout taking forever to update. It's been, like, two months...**

_Jason...Waiter?_

1. Rename him Jacob, so the fangirls attack him.

2. Like, seriously, hack into a random government computer and change his name so it's "legally" Jacob.

3. And then, once he's _finally_ gotten used to his name being Jacob...go and change it to Edward.

4. Laugh maniacally at his now-terminal confusion.

5. Make him look like Daffy Duck.

6. Tell "him" that you totally support "his" lesbianism.

7. When he gapes at you in outrage, just smile and wave, boys, smile and wave... (_Madagascar_ reference FTW.)

8. And then point out that he still looks like Daffy Duck.

9. Bite him in his sleep.

10. And then claim he bit you.

**If you don't remember who Jason is, he's the waiter from TAE.**

**R&R?**


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